Assalamualaikum...
Pernah tak kalian merasa teramat pedih dan sedih atas perkara yang kalian tak jangka berlaku dalam hidup kalian? Perkara yang melibatkan hal-hal kekeluargaan dan adik beradik. Ya, aku ada dan ianya baru saja berlaku beberapa hari yang lepas. Kerana amarah akhirnya jurang yang terbina kini. Sabtu lalu tanggal 27 Aug 2016 aku seperti biasa bangun sedikit lambat dan seperti selalu aku akan balik ke kampung setiap dua minggu sekali. Dan minggu itu, abang aku yang menetap di PD juga pulang dan sampai tengah malam Jumaat itu. Ketika aku bangun dari tidur, akan ke bilik air seperti biasa untuk bersih kan diri sedikit. Lepas keluar dari toilet, tiba-tiba aku disapa oleh abang aku itu dengan berkata, "Ha, adeq ko mesti tak daftar mengundi lagi kan?". Aku yang masih dalam keadaan separuh sedar ni buat lah muka sebab dah bosan asyik-asyik benda yang sama je yang disoal. Kemudian aku ke bilik aku dan sedikit merungut, "Kalau nak cakap pasal politik tak payah balik rumah ni. Tak habis-habis cerita politik". Aku tak pasti samaada dia dengar atau tidak akan kata-kata aku tuh. Di ketika itu dia sedang berbual dengan abah aku tentang politik la seperti biasa. (sebab tu aku dapat soalan menyakitkan hati tiupagi-pagi).
Well, if you know my brother he is the politics person. Everything is politics to him. Every time he came back or when we all meet, only politics story came from his mouth. And I am not the type of talking about those, for me it were a silly things to discuss. That's why I'm mad. He repetitively brought the same things up for a few years now. How many times in a year that we actually met and all the stories are only politics, politics and bla bla bla.
So then, I decided to just be at my room for a while then I went out to watch TV. Then my nieces and nephew came to play with me. So I did entertain them while watching TV. Then I decided to go to the kitchen and see what my mom's doing. I ask what she wanna cook today and grab a plate to take my breakfast. While putting in a slice of Roti Canai, there you go my abang ask the same question again. The undi again. I mad at him and show my face lah kan. Then I walk away from him an sit at the sofa. then suddenly he shouted, "Adeq kau kenapa nak marah-marah, orang gurau je". Gurau?for a several years. Then I raised my voice too. "Dah tanya sekali cukuplah dah kenapa nak tnaya banyak-banyak kali, bosan dah".
Suddenly he got up and stand stare straight to me while shout, And we start to shout to each other.
My abang:"Kau kenapa? Ada orang cakap benda tak elok ke pasal uda? Ha? yang kau nak marah ni apasal?"
Me: "Cakap apa? Mana ada orang cakap apa-apa pasal kau. Orang marah pasal sibuk sangat pasal undi, undi"
My abang: Habis tuh kenapa kau cakap tengking-tengking? Kau berani kan tengking uda?? Kau hormat Along lebih ni sebab tuh kau berani nak tengking Uda kan? Cuba kalau dengan Along mesti kau tak berani."
Dush! sebiji kena dan diketika itu aku sedar yang bukan aku isu nya disini tapi Uda marah kan Along aku. Damn aku yang kena, bagus sangat lah kan. Dalam keadaan dua-dua yang masih marah semua orang dah mula cuba tenangkan abang aku..Ha.ha.ha..kelakar. Sebab tak ade siapa yang tenangkan aku sebab aku tak emo macam dia. Dalam masa yang sama dia membebel-bebel ajak bini dia balik...hahaha..satu lagi kelucuan disitu, tak padan dengan jantan, merajuk terus nak balik rumah dia. Boleh blah!! (tapi end up die tak balik pun hari tuh..hahaha..poyo!!).
Lepas tuh die masuk lah bilik dia huni diketika itu. Kakak ipar aku dah pegang semua anak-anak dia dah ketakutan tengok apa yang berlaku. Yerla laki mengamuk kan, sapa tak takut..hahaha.. okey sambung balik..aku maintain kunyah roti canai hanya untuk dua suap. Aku juga sedang marah waktu itu dan hampir-hanpir saja aku menghempaskan pinggan yang aku pegang. Tapi sebab aku masih waras untuk berfikir, maka aku berjalan ke arah dapur dan letakkan pinggan itu, cuci tangan dan menuju ke bilik dia yang sedang entah apa dia nak mengamuk meraban bagai. Aku masuk, tapi mak halang dengan menarik baju aku. Aku cakap tak apa, aku even suruh adik aku ke tepi sebab aku tak marah lagi.
Kemudian aku berdiri betul-betul dihadapan abang aku dan berkata. "Okay adeq minta maaf adeq marah sebab kau asyik cakap pasal politik je, rimas tau tak, takde kene mengena dengan orang lain."
Dan dengan bangganya dia menepis tangan aku. Tangan yang memohon maaf setulusnya tuh die tepis. Apa kau rasa bila kau minta maaf dan diabaikan seolah aku lah pesalah paling besar atas dunia ni.
Sejuru selepas die menepis tangan aku dia memulakan misi menghentam aku. Die bercakap tentang isu berbangkit mengenai aku dan adik beradik lain mengutuk Angah aku dan betapa pedihnya hati dia bile membacanya, dan berkata "Uda rapat dengan angah, kau buat die macam tuh. Kau tahu tak dia paling dekat dengan mak dan abah kalau apa-apa terjadi??" Katanya dengan nada paling sedih dan terharu dan tangisan yang menepis dipipi. Phuiiii!!! dammmm...aku sentap kat situ and my question is did he even come back home to visit mom and dad?Hahaha..I laugh and angry inside. Then he kept on telling about how great my Angah is..hahaha..idiot! He knows nothing and he praise Angah that much?? Then suddenly he said again, "Uda nampak macam mana kau marah anak-anak dia." dengan sedihnya dia berkata.
Dan aku jawab, "Bila masa pula adeq marah anak-anak angah??ha?."
My abang: "Kalau kau marah dekat angah sekali pun tak payah la nak libatkan anak-anak dia. Ini dengan kak ipar(Kak Long aku. since dia have problems with my along so kak long kena tempias sekali. terima kasih) pun sama masuk campur."
Lepas tuh aku tak ingat apa dah sebab aku berlalu keluar dan bamm pintu bilik tuh, almari dapur yang aku tempuh diketika itu dan aku campak kerusi lipat abah aku sampai terbalik sebelum aku dengan rakusnya menolak pintu bilik aku sekeras-kerasnya. Kemudian menghempasnya kembali untuk ditutup. Dan aku disitu in my dark dark room (aku ambil lirik lagu Colbie Calliat) dan berfikir, menangis dan buat mogok lapar. Hahaha...nasib baik aku tak gastrik.
So, bermula la kisah aku tak dapat nak tidur bila memikirkan abang aku yang aku hormat selama ni berfikir yang bukan-bukan tentang aku. Abang yang selama ni aku tak pernah interrupt hidup dia pun telah membuat kan hati aku super pedih dan sakit hati. Kerana dia fikir die betul. Abang yang aku defends malam tadi depan mak aku bilamana mak memberitahu yang mak berdoa supaya application abang aku tak berjaya untuk transfer ke Perak branch sebab mak aku taknak dia tinggalkan isteri dan anak-anak dia sendiri kerana cikgu susah nak minta tukar. Abang yang aku willingly rushed back home on the Friday just to pick up his wife kain baju kurung sampai aku almost nak accident. So everything that I did just worthless. Not worth it at all. I regret that. All of that things I've done for him. Now I regret it, cause its not worth it at all when my own brother think me are living in my Along's shadow. How sad. Very sad.
So, when me and my lil bro went back to KL I ask him, what actually happened after I left and locked myself in the room? He said that my brother persuade mom, and told her about how my Along insulted him (its a private message I guess, since I don't even know about it) and also about the gold investment that my Along involved.
Yes!!, I am correct. He actually don't have issue with me but with Along, but since he thought that 'I lived in Along's shadow, and I close to Along more, so its time to bam me..Hahaha..so, what will you guys thinks? after know the truth why did he mad so much and thought that someone talking about him at the back. I'am the victim here. you know how much I hurt? Just because he thinks he is right and I was wrong? yes he did hurt me so much by have those thoughts.
This is my theory:
1. He got issue with my eldest brother, but he can't get mad to him since he respect him too.
2. So, since I started the rage, so its time for him to bam me and told something that is not even exist
3. He obviously sad about what we all talked about Angah in the whatsapp family group just ONCE and he hentam me just like that. Bravo bro. Only one time talked and thats it.
4. The fact that my Angah will be the first person to be there when my mom and dad maybe have problems since he live near than all of us. But the fact is my lil bro and me are the one who always there first when something happens to my mom and dad. Not him.
5. My lil bro and me will going back home to visit out mom and dad every TWO WEEKS, and along the time we did that, There is NOT EVEN ONCE I see my Angah in that house. So can you guys make are the conclusions here??Hahaha
Dear Bro,
I'm here to tell you this that YOU'RE TOTALLY WRONG. This is the reason why;
1. I respect all my brothers and sisters evenly
2. I still respect my Angah even he made our mom and dad in a big fight for the issue loan that time. The thing that u think that the reason your siblings and I kutuk Angah about.
3. I deserve to get mad to Angah because of what he did to Mak and Abah, and I didn't care about his live anymore. He can do whatever he want as long as not involving our parents
4. My lil bro and I stop listening to Angah stories because we do not want to grow the hatred and anger anymore. We want to be better.
5. And Bro let me repeat here so that U know, how manys stories that U know about Angah? everytime U come back home? Not as much as us I supposed, and yet U hentam me just like that and praised Angah so much just because I scold his kids?ONCE??
6. Bro, I don't live in somebody else shadow just like u thought. I lived by my own. Even when I sick, happy or being cheated by a men and a friend. I deal it by myself. No one that I lean against to. NOBODY! Let me repeat here. I DON'T LIVE IN ANYBODY SHADOW!! You got me? Just because I close to ALong doesn't mean that I follow everything that he said. I am not a slave. I am me.
7. Bro, what you did to me it is the same that what Angah did to Apis (my lil bro). Just because of your thought that you think it's correct than U claims others were wrong. You know how much my heart broke when U pushed apis till he down that day. U really just like Angah when the time Apis advice him about the religion things that is seems wrongly perform. Just like that. But you still wanna said about why we need to fight for each other? Bro U just did that to us bro. U just did.
To be Continue....